11 DAYS AND COUNTING

So in just a few short days we will be heading to the airport to leave this country. It has been a long time coming and I sure many folks are sick to death of me talking about it but it seems to have snuck up on me too!

What we have left to do:
Get clothes together & buy what is needed
Buy consumable supplies
Prepare my household & people for our departure
Finish paying for the trip
Pray

So a couple of those things I have already started. I have paid for the trip! I have made a list of clothing and other supplies and I am starting to prep this house for my absence. I have prayed some about it but I'll admit I don't feel like it is nearly enough. I have various things about the trip I need to pray about. First the obvious, that my time there will be well spent instead of me making a mess of what I am supposed to do. Second, that my family I leave here will do just fine without me and my baby boy won't FORGET me! Third, I won't get on my friends' nerves that are going with us. Next, that I will remember details to come home and tell people. Next, that I will really enjoy hanging out with my 2 oldest girls and they will do the same (they will be 13 & 15 when we get there so....). The last kinda silly thing is, I am mildly claustrophobic. I'm not afraid of the plane going down in a fiery crash but more so the tight quarters! I'm the kind of person that can't have the sheets too tight or I can't have someone sit on my legs. I had to psych myself up to go up the St. Louis Arch, the long line didn't help. I was fine once I was up there because I could walk around but the little dryer size tub they stuck me in to get up there was insane! It is stupid, I know. I just have to remember how stupid that sounds when I'm seat belted in with no clear path to the lavatory. I have to remember to not get all in my head, I will be fine. I will be fine. I will be fine. Now that I write that and re-read it, I see how utterly ridiculous it sounds but I also know some of y'all will totally understand. And no, a jack & coke won't help, A- I don't really drink and B- it is a mission trip!

OK, moving on. I want to ask my friends to pray for the same things. Especially my people at home. If you see Rusty at church don't judge if Finn is in his PJs, don't judge if Annabelle's hair isn't brushed and don't judge if Rusty has oatmeal on his back. He will have lots of help and everyone is taking shifts. I really don't think he will need any help other than what his mom and my mom provide. Adeline is very self sufficient. She likes to take care of details so I think even though she is 8 she will be a big helper.

So for those of you who haven't run into me in the last month here is a rundown of what we'll be doing all week.

1. Whatever I am asked to do.
2. Love on some kids.
3. And whatever else I am asked to do.

That pretty much sums it up.

When I get home, I'll give a much more detailed report. I plan on keeping a journal so hopefully between Abigail, Amelia and me, we will remember what happened!

If you would like to pray for us will you let me know. It is just reassuring to actually know names of people that are praying on your behalf!

Last little thing. To anyone who bought earrings, bracelets, necklaces, dressing, potatoes, let us babysit, dogsit, catsit, thank you. All three of us, plus my mom, sister and nephew, have worked really hard and are ready to see the fruits of our labor. There is probably no way to ever thank you enough for paying too much for a pair of snowman earrings or for just overpaying for a necklace. We will work hard and make every single penny worth it!

Countdown Clocks

An Inconvenient Truth

So I've finally had time to sit and do nothing for a bit.  After making insane amounts of dressing and cheesy mashed potatoes for fundraising, getting ready for Christmas in the midst of a nasty stomach bug, having Adeline's birthday and having 6+ kids in my house each day for 2 weeks I've been busy.  Some idle time today has my brain working. 

This week's weather patterns got me to thinking.  I'll be honest, I never watched Al Gore's film about global warming.  I'll be even more honest, I don't really know much about it.  And even more honest, I don't really care much about it.  I know that sounds ignorant but I feel like if it is real it is too big, and again being honest I haven't researched it and don't know what my opinion is of the validity of it.  I'll just keep recycling like I have been for years, my friends in college called me a tree hugger.  I'll keep buying things used.  We'll keep using cloth napkins at dinner.  I even used cloth diapers for my first two kids!  I'll keep using reusable grocery bags.  I'll keep my electronics longer than the normal American and not upgrade just to upgrade.  I don't make unnecessary trips around town but I combine stuff for one day of errands. 

With all that said, it had me thinking of some other inconvenient truths.  Right now in the United States there are roughly 408,000 children in foster care.  408,000!  That is 9 times the population of Collierville!  408,000 children do not have someone to call mom or dad.  408,000 children who are not sure who they will live with next month.  408,000 children that need a home.  That is an inconvenient truth.  In 2011 26,000 children aged out of foster care.  Meaning, they turned 18 and were no longer a responsibility of the state.  Also, meaning they were thrown into the world without ANYTHING and nothing to fall back on.  31-42% are arrested (that's upwards of 10,000) and 18-26% are put in jail (that's over 6000).  As for some of the young ladies 40-60% are pregnant within 12-18 months of leaving foster care.  That is an inconvenient truth. 

In the world right now 33% of the world's population is considered starving.  1.5 million children die each year of hunger.  1.5 million children cry and hurt until they are too weak to cry because they need something to eat.  In fact, since you began reading this 27 people have died from hunger and over 20,000 more will by the end of the day.  That is an inconvenient truth. 

According to US census data 15 million children are being raised without a father.  Studies show that children with an active father figure score higher in reading!  We all know that without a father present kids are more likely to grow up and find themselves in prison. Another inconvenient truth. I know there are many awesome single moms out there that are working their tails off but statistics don't lie.  Keep working hard single mamas many of you are doing a wonderful job! 

Here is another, 19% of high school grads can't read.  Here is another crazy statistic that goes with that, 63% of inmates in the US can not read.  This is such a strong predictor that some states use the 4th grade literacy rate to predict what the future prison population will be.  That is an inconvenient truth. 

Did you know that Memphis has one of the highest infant mortality rates in the country, equivalent to some third world countries?  Ten years ago, 15 out 1000 babies did not make it to their 1st birthday in Memphis.  Thankfully, through the work many different groups that number has improved but is still is ranked one of the highest in the country.  Another inconvenient truth. 

Yesterday in Shelby County school was cancelled due to the cold weather.  Students all over the county lacked proper clothing to go outside in the weather and it was not safe for them to be outside.  My girls have worked in areas where kids are just a burden and as long as they just leave the adults alone they are ok.  So getting a winter coat or some gloves is most likely not going to happen.  That is an inconvenient truth. 

So yeah, maybe we are messing up our environment and some things need to change for the planet to be ok in 500 years.  But right NOW people on our planet are starving.  Right NOW children on our planet are without a parent.  Right NOW there are children without a father and are likely on a destructive path.  Right NOW in Shelby County, TN there are kids hungry, without parents, no one helping them with school, cold, unloved and on a path straight to prison.  These are inconvenient truths that we don't like to think about.  These are the inconvenient truths I am willing to pay attention to and do something about.  Whether you are a Christian or not doesn't matter.  We all have to face the facts, this is the state of our planet, our country and our city.  Stop sitting back and drinking your pretentious coffee each day and ignoring the fact that something has to be done.  Stop sitting back with your brand new iPhone that doesn't work right and do something!  Support a foster care agency, support a family fostering children, give to a family adopting, volunteer to tutor some inner-city kids, give them the supplies they need to start school, donate one of the 47 pairs of gloves you have floating around your house, donate to your local food pantry.  Don't just sit around thinking you've done something by tossing that can in the recycle bin. Find a place that needs help, it doesn't even have to be one of the things mentioned above, and help! 

What you don't need to do it send me messages about how dumb I am to ignore Al Gore and his message.  It is not that I don't care about the state of our environment but that I just don't have time enough to learn more. 

My Anchor Holds Within the Veil

My brain gets stuck on a song sometimes, everyone does I suppose.  Today, as I hurried to run errands before the baby boy fell asleep a song came on that I can't shake 3 hours later.  I finally went to YouTube and pulled it up.  As I read the lyrics while singing them to my sweet baby I realized a lot of what the song was saying has been in my head the last week or two.
I'll start here, I completely avoid the news, I don't pay attention to politics and I never try to discuss them.  But this last week how can anyone avoid it?  I will have to admit, the state of this country has me shaken up a bit.  The thought of a major recession is scary, the thought of a major recession with 6 kids is even scarier, the thought of a major recession with 6 kids and a husband who needs perpetual medical care is very scary.  It had me contemplating stocking up on some veggie seeds and moving the process of getting chickens up.  I even thought maybe having a hunting weapon isn't such a bad idea or at least get something other than blunt tip arrows.  It had me thinking maybe I need to research and learn how to use the butter churn that was my dad's when he was growing up.  It had me thinking maybe I should check the status of the cloth diapers in my attic that I swore I would never have to use again.  Seriously.  Maybe I've watched too much Revolution, Walking Dead and Hunger Games.  I have had to remind myself, I have no control over these things.  We as Americans over the years put way too much trust into our elected government and now we are in trouble.  Am I worried, absolutely.  But I have decided to not be scared.  Here is what I have decided...

                               My hope is built on nothing less
                               Than Jesus blood and righteousness
                               I dare not trust the sweetest frame
                               But wholly trust in Jesus' name

                                When darkness seems to hide His face
                                I rest on His unchanging grace
                                In every high and stormy gale
                                My anchor holds within the veil.

The Bible doesn't promise us blue skies and sunshine, in fact it even says we will have troubles.  Sorry, Mama Odie and Mr. Osteen, hate to burst your bubble.  But what He does promise us a place to put our hope.  I know to non-Christians that sounds like a bunch of bologna and that's ok.  I'm ok with being labeled crazy or a fanatic.  I've got a couple of non-Christian friends that don't think I'm crazy and they will stick by me. :)  

I'll give y'all an example, a couple of weeks ago an acquaintance of mine had a young child quickly get very sick.  Like critically ill.  I watched, well read, how this husband and wife totally leaned on God to comfort them in their extreme time of need.  Their child is now doing a better, by the way.  Until you have witnessed someone take refuge in Christ like that you will never understand what it means.  There is something so calming about just putting it all in our Savior's hands.  

                                Christ alone; cornerstone

                                 Weak made strong in the Saviors love

                                 Through the storm, He is Lord

                                 Lord of all

I witnessed this family through a major storm rest on His unchanging grace and place their anchor in Jesus.  They proclaimed through each day that He is Lord of all.  I mentioned to another friend that I couldn't imagine how non-Christians survived through those type of storms without Christ to lean on.  

Another example, I watched another friend last week go through some scary health issues.  This sweet woman quoted scripture she had memorized over the last year to comfort herself through different procedures.  Her anchor was held within the veil.  She had no idea a storm was brewing but she was ready when it hit.  I could give more examples of people I have witnessed take refuge in Christ but I need to get to the point.  

Things are in a scary place right now, our US government is in turmoil, our healthcare system is on the brink of I don't know what, our economy is in a bad way, our local school system is making a very fast swirl down the toilet (totally thankful for amazing people in place in our town that are holding things up though), and our society is in a way that I can't imagine how it can ever turn back to the Cornerstone.  Here's what I know, as long as I place my anchor in Jesus and not any other earthly thing or entity I will be fine.  I may have to learn to use a bow & arrow or learn how to harvest insulin from a pig but in the end I know where my anchor is and things will be ok.  I may have to start hoarding rice and beans under my bed or learn how to churn butter but things will be ok.  

                               When He shall come with trumpet sound

                               Oh, may I then in Him be found

                                Dressed in His righteousness alone

                                Faultless stand before the throne

Just a side note, Mr. Kim Noblitt if Cornerstone is on the set list for Sunday morning a heads up would be nice.  Someone get this message to him!  

Also, this is not a springboard for a political conversation!  I have put my head back in the sand today.

Lastly, this song is Cornerstone by Hillsong.  Check it out on YouTube if you need to hear it today.
 

2 months of stress free dinner

A few weeks ago I realized my already crazed life was about to speed up even more.  What normally is Space Mountain was about to turn into the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster.  What is normally the freeway, was turning into the autobahn.   With 4 girls playing soccer on 4 different teams and 3 of them being coached by Rusty and me, our life just sped up.  I decided that in order to survive I had to have some food prepared ahead of time in the freezer.  Right before Finn was born I cooked 3 or 4 of our family favorites and froze them.  I knew I had to do this again but on a larger scale.  Here is my step by step process to filling my freezer.

First, I normally make a menu for each month and I try to buy all the ingredients in one shopping trip.  This keeps me out of the grocery store and therefore making less impulse purchases.  For the milk and bread weekly trips I try to send Rusty, men don't make impulse grocery purchases, or I go to Aldi.  Aldi has less stock which leads to less junk for me to buy.  I printed out a blank menu for September and got out my list of "Riley approved dinners."  Yes, this list actually exist.  I filled in different meals each night leaving Saturday and Sunday open.  I don't cook dinner on Sunday night and Saturdays are left for spontaneity.  Some months I ask for my family input during dinner one night but not this time.  The week we had spaghetti I filled in a block later in the week with leftovers.  There are always spaghetti leftovers usually.  This week, however, we gobbled up every bite so I will have to do a plan B tonight.  I added on the menu items like frozen pizza, chicken nuggets and fish and chips too.  Side note, on nights where you might not be home for cooking, make something that you can put in the oven before you leave and set the oven to automatic.  I sometimes partially thaw something and let it finish thawing while it sits in the oven waiting to cook.  Do not bake a cake or cookies this way.  The preheat time and the time it sits in the still hot oven after it shuts off will ruin anything baked.  

Second, I started a grocery list.  I began with the meat that I would need.  I would put a tally mark next to the meats I needed for more than one meal.  I then wrote down all the other ingredients needed, various pastas, seasonings, veggies, cheeses etc.  I also calculated how many different veggies we would need for the month.  I use at least 1 can of veggies each night.  Sometimes a frozen bag, sometimes fresh, sometimes dried.  There is occasionally a spoonful left that I get out the next night.  Last thing added to the list was frozen foods.  I made sure to add extra chicken nuggets, fries and pizzas for the nights dinner just doesn't get done.  I also added a box of good freezer zipper seal Ziploc bags and aluminum foil.  Making this list actually took a while too.  I wanted to make sure I hadn't missed anything and I checked my pantry for ingredients that I might already have.  I also left the list on the counter for the kids/Rusty to add items they might wish for.  My plan was to buy the cereal needed for the month as well!  These first 2 steps were day 1.

Third, I went to the store, Wal-Mart actually.  I knew they would have everything I needed and the cheapest price.  A side note, I don't go to Wal-Mart for customer service, clean bathrooms or an organized shelf.  I go there to save money, so I can stand a sassy cashier or filthy bathroom.  My solution to both of those, potty before I leave the house and find a familiar cashier and kill them with kindness. I have found if you say hello, how is your day going, they are generally nicer.  OK, back to the shopping trip.  I went on a Thursday, the day I only have 1 kid, which means more room in the basket.  I shopped and shopped and shopped.  I started with dairy, skipped the meats and moved until I got to frozen food.  My basket was completely full, it was time for my high schooler to come home and baby boy was getting hungry.  Even though I still had meat and produce to buy I headed to the check out.  Like I said, I was very sweet to the cashier and she felt bad for me when it had to be put in two baskets and called someone to help me carry it out.  How's that for customer service at Wal-Mart!  When I got home it took me 30 minutes to put everything away, that was with the eldest who had already made it home from school helping me.  The next day I took the same list went back to Wal-Mart with 2 babies in the basket and purchased the rest of my ingredients.  I'm not even going to share the grand total as you can probably imagine.  So there was 2 days of shopping!

Fourth step. I began prepping meals.  I cut all the veggies at one time.  I put them all to the side.  I then began to cut meat.  I am going to add recipes below.  As I mixed things like fajitas I put the chicken and veggies in a bowl with my seasonings, mixed them up and then divided it into 2 Ziploc bags for 2 meals!  I fold a bag over a blender so it is on a stand, just a little way that makes it less messy.  I then laid that flat in the freezer.  Once frozen I set it upright like a file folder to use more vertical space.  That is a tip from a smart friend on storing stuff in your attic but I have applied it to storing this all over the house, freezer included, use all of the vertical space available.  I went ahead and cooked the ground beef for 2 spaghetti dinners and 2 taco nights.  The spaghetti I went ahead and put it in the crock pot and completely made the sauce.  The taco meat was also seasoned and ready to go.  For the fettuccine alfredo I cooked the chicken, sauce and pasta and froze it all together.  I didn't finish on Friday so cooking day actually turned into 2 days.  By the end of Saturday this is what I had, 2 hamburgers, 2 bags of cooked and shredded chicken with broth, 2 dijon pork chops, 2 spaghettis, 2 whole chickens, 3 bags of chicken legs, 2 bags of chicken wings, 2 fajitas, 2 fettuccine chicken alfredos, 1 pork tenderloin, 2 pinwheel steaks, bacon, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, breaded fish, fries and pizzas.  That is enough for almost 40 meals.  

Fifth step, let us take Monday night for example.  We had spaghetti on the menu.  I took the spaghetti out of the freezer the night before and thawed it on a plate in the refrigerator.  I put the sauce on the stove and let it simmer for an hour.  All I had to do was open a can of green beans and make noodles.  Homemade dinner very quick.  Clean up was easier too!  

So here are some of the recipes:

• Spaghetti sauce- brown ground beef and drain fat off.  Put in crock pot for 8 hours with can of tomato sauce, tomato paste and season the way your family likes it.  We use some italian seasoning, salt, pepper, garlic and onion.  This time I also added pureed onions and peppers.  I have been known to puree carrots too.  
• chicken noodle bake- it is on the back of the egg noodle package at Kroger.  You can mix the whole thing and freeze. All that is left is baking it in the over.  
• Dijon Pork Chops- Taste of Home http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Dijon-Grilled-Pork-Chops  I prepped these in the sauce before I froze them.  They work great from the freezer!
• Jamaican Jerk Chicken- massage a whole chicken with EVOO.  Don't forget to get the guts out of the chicken before you cook it.  Don't be a wimp, it is just a chicken kidney.  Mix salt, pepper, cinnamon, all spice, red pepper, onion powder and garlic in a bowl and rub on the chicken.  I cook mine in the oven on 450 convection for 25-30 minutes then bring it down to 400 for 15 minutes or until temperature is right.  
• My alfredo sauce isn't anything fancy, Kroger brand powder sauce mix.  I like the store brand better because it has less garlic.  I mix the cooked noodles, cooked meat and sauce together.  Put it all together in the freezer.  Just thaw and cook until hot.  
• Pork tenderloin- I massage the whole thing with EVOO and sprinkle a couple of different packs of McCormick seasoning on it.  Again, I use convection roast at 450 for 25 minutes or so.  I don't do any prep work before it goes in the freezer.  Just thaw the meat, season and cook.  Super easy. 
• I make cookie dough ahead too.  I mix up dough from scratch and scoop onto a wax paper lined cookie sheet.  I use the Pamper Chef little scoop.  Flash freeze on the cookie sheet for 30-60 minutes.  Take frozen dough and put in a Ziploc.  I only take out what I need, instead of cooking 40 chocolate chip cookies.  They thaw enough while the oven is pre-heating.  

I suggest getting this book, Don't Panic Dinner's in the Freezer.  It has lots of tips and even more recipes.  I went through the whole book one day and tabbed every recipe that I thought my people would eat.  I wrote in the front all the chicken recipes with page numbers together and the same with other meats.  That way when I find meat on the quick sale rack I can just go to that list and make each of those recipes with whatever meat I bought.  ALWAYS check the quick sale meats!

This whole process has evolved over 10 years.  It started when a girl sitting next to me in English 201 at State Tech told me about making a monthly menu.  At 22 I had never thought about planning dinner more than 1 hour ahead.  It changed as I learned to cook more. I have tested various meals in small batches in the freezer and know what I can and can't freeze.  If you have something your family loves, next time you make it freeze a small portion and test it in a week or so.  I have learned how to double and triple things.  I have learned how how to work the KitchenAid  mixer.  I have learned how to shop on a tight budget.  I have also learned that cooking from scratch really is cheaper and probably better for us.  Now here I am with dinner planned and a lot of it ready for each night until November.  

If you have ways that you prep and cook ahead of time I would love to hear them.  I am always looking for ways to save time in that 3pm-7pm time frame.  If you have a family friendly meal that doesn't involve mixing veggies and meat together I would love to hear it.  My family is anti-casserole.  I love the crazy life having 6 kids brings and I am always looking for ways to ease the insanity!  

Surviving Soccer Season

This is your survival guide for multiple kids playing soccer this fall.  This guide does not include Little Caesars, McDonald's, Chili's, Wendy's, Backyard Burger or cereal for dinner.

First of all, plan ahead.  The more you plan ahead the less stressed out you will get.  Sit down as a family and plan a month worth of dinners.  Let each person in your family pick a meal each week.  Make sure you are keeping a variety.  On nights you know things will be the most insane make sure you have the least amount of prep work.  Here is our menu for September...

                                 Just like I am terrible at grammar, I am not a great photographer.

As you can see, it doesn't have to be written on a cute chalkboard with pretty artistic lettering.  It is just a plain blank menu with scribbled ideas.  You will also see on Saturdays and Sunday I have nothing planned.  These are nights I do one of a few different options.  1st option, dinner date with family, 2nd option, fill in something from a night we skipped earlier in the month, 3rd option, frozen pizza or 4th option, I just make up something totally different and see what happens.  Mostly, it is options 3 or 4.  Sundays I do not cook.  If I do cook it is box mac&cheese.  Fancy, I know.  My mom cooks Sunday lunch each week so I don't see the need for two full sit down meals in one day.  For some of y'all, you may want this to be a time your family all eats together. I will admit, this month I did not ask for input but I did put in each week something each child would love.  That way when we have a night where they just don't like what I've cooked they can look forward to another night they will love.  I do my absolute best for us all to eat together.  I know those days are probably coming to an end as my oldest two get older.  We may eat at 8:00 but I prefer us to eat together.  This is when the,"how was your day" conversations go on.  My kids without prompting will even say, "how was your day, daddy?" or "what did you do today, mommy?"  It is amazing what a 9th grader will tell you if you just ask.

Now, I choose to do my "big shopping" once a month.  Y'all know what I mean.  However, this month I had to make two trips because my basket was full, I wasn't finished and my kids were about to start trickling in from school.  Some of y'all may prefer once a week.  I bought all the meat, sides, flour, sugar, cheese etc that I would need to make dinner for the month.  That leads me into the next way I have planned ahead to survive soccer season with 6 kids.  

I cooked/prepped ahead of time almost every meal we will eat in September and October.  It took me 2 full days, tons of dishes and 6 Tylenol.  I labeled each bag with a date and instructions.  I froze things flat and spread out and when it froze I filed them away.  My next blog will give more details on how to do this.  Here is a picture of some of my freezer stash.  This isn't all of it of course.  As you could see from the menu above, there are nights of chicken nuggets and frozen pizza!

Another way to survive is divide and conquer or as I like to call it, delegate.  I couldn't write this blog about soccer season and not add in a quote from one of the best coaches to coach any sport.  "Individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."  That is from Vince Lombardi, I know he was a Packers coach but when you look up "Bill Cower quotes" there aren't any!  Sorry Rusty.  OK, back to my point.  The whole family has to help.  The whole family has to take on responsibility at the house.  I don't care what the normal family dynamics are, during a busy time in the family's life everyone MUST chip in.  Each person must take their job and commit to it each day.  A group effort will help everyone be a little more stress free.  Whether it is putting shoes in proper homes (we call this shoe patrol), unloading the dishwasher or helping little sisters put their clothes away, they must do it completely.  Don't be afraid husbands to load or unload the dishwasher when you see the need.  Rusty cleans up dishes every night after dinner.  EVERY NIGHT!  A different daughter each night helps him get the dirty dishes to the sink.  That leaves me available to help someone study, bathe babies, take a shower for the first time in 2 days, or even watch Project Runway.  Husbands, don't be afraid to fold some towels.  I don't care if you worked all day, help anyway.  I will add here too, many weeks Rusty gets more laundry done than I do.  Don't feel bad about asking your kids to vacuum the den or straighten their bathroom so you can disinfect clean it the next day.  So delegate some jobs mamas. There is nothing wrong with your kids doing some chores, for free even.  

One other way to help survive soccer (or whatever your kids are involved in)season is to make a home for uniforms and other items that they need for the sport.  We put in our laundry room a bench that has cubbies for each child.  In that cubby goes their cleats, shin guards (glove in t-ball season) and uniform.  I do not allow clean uniforms to ever leave the laundry room, otherwise they are lost forever.  As soon as they come out of the dryer I fold them and put them in the cubbies behind me.  When they come in from a game have them take the stuff off right then and make sure they put things away. Before we had the cubbies I put the whole uniform, socks and all, on a hanger in the laundry room and hung it up in there.  Here is a picture of one of our cubbies...

During the summer, this is actually where each kid stores their bathing suits.  

Make no mistake, we have Saturday mornings where we are screaming, "WHERE ARE YOUR SHIN GUARDS!"  Many Tuesday evenings where I say, "Forget it, let's get some Hot & Ready!"  And some nights where I'm not really sure what they eat.  There are nights where we eat in shifts too.   I find though, the more I plan ahead, prep ahead of time and organize the smoother our afternoons go.  Each day it is like a roller coaster ticking up the slope and when 2:24 hits it is all crazy twist and turns and loop-de-loops until 9pm.  Hit the hay and rest for the roller coaster ride the next day.  I love this life and I am so thankful for the chaos.  One day it is going to be too quiet around here and I will miss cooking for so many mouths.  

I hope this has helped some of y'all not pull your hair out this soccer season.  Stay tuned next week for a How-To on freezer meal planning.  

Helicopter Parenting

So what is a helicopter mama?  Maybe you've heard it before, maybe you are one and don't even know it, maybe you are one, you know it and don't care, and maybe I am one.  According to Urban Dictionary (not sure how official that is but you'll get the point) a helicopter mom is "A hovering & controlling, but well-meaning, parent who gets way too involved in her child's life to the point of doing things that are completely inappropriate, such as personally attending all of little Sweetiepie's extracurricular activities, writing medium-sized Sweetiepie's school application essays, and submitting full-grown Sweetiepie's job applications."  Or maybe this definition from Urban Dictionary as well, "the mom who hovers over her child, especially at school. This mom is too involved. She annoys the other parents as well as the teacher(s)."  

Over the last few years I have caught myself stepping in situations that I really should have just left alone.  But but but I just want to help and fix it!  I found myself wanting to bail my kids out of situations that weren't fantastic.  But but but I just want them to be happy all the time!  I found myself wanting to call out some little brat.  But but but that kid can't do that!  I found myself just wanting to do the homework for them.  But but but I can do it quicker and better than them.  Recently, I was mid-bailout with one and realized, what in the world am I doing!?  I realized I had stepped into the helicopter no-fly zone.  So for now, I have stopped with the emails or nasty-grams as my friend calls them, I have stopped with the phone calls begging for a bailout.  I have resigned myself that that is the situation that my child will be in for a while and it IS going to make her a better person for going through it.  Now, am I happy about the situation, absolutely not!  I am still tempted to look for an out but I am fighting the urge.  In the past, I will admit to secretly changing stuff in a typed report after my kids went to bed, don't judge, most people have done it.  I will admit to doing more of a science fair project than I should have.  But I have seen the error of my ways the last few years and taken my hands off of school work.  I don't stalk teacher blogs, I don't check homework every night, I don't change papers (I do make very strong verbal suggestions), and I don't help on science projects any more than buying the stuff at Hobby Lobby.  I will tell you, one of my kids got a mark off for being sloppy and yes, I wanted to send a nasty-gram to the teacher and ask if she thought the ones better than that were done by parents or students.  I resisted, even though I thought the whole thing looked fantastic and knew how hard she worked on it.   It was hard, but I resisted!  

Not long ago, I let one of my kids make one of those pinewood derby cars by themselves.  I let her pick the color and glitter, put it on the back porch with a paintbrush and said have fun.  In hindsight, I should have helped some because that poor little car while looking awesome didn't even make it down the track.  After drying tears and healing the broken spirit with a happy meal I realized some help is ok.  Winning mom moment that day.  

So, where is the line behind which the helicopter should stay?  How much should we help our kids with homework?  When should we call a friend's mama and say, Jimmy Joe said x-y-z to my little Sally Sue?  I don't know where the line is but I do know that I cross it.  I also know that I have seen the harm it is doing to adults now and it is scary.  I saw on the news recently that it is being reported that parents are calling potential employers about their ADULT child getting the job.  That is an extreme I know but here is the point, we are constantly bailing our kids out and not letting them fail so when they get into the real world they freak out and can not survive.  They have to learn some teachers are below par so that one day they can work for a boss that is below par.  They have to learn to remember their lunch because it never fails on the day you forget your lunch teriyaki beef nuggets are on the menu.  They have to learn that other kids are mean and sometimes there are no consequences because when they grow up adults act the same way.  They have to learn if they don't study they will most likely fail without the option of a re-do because when they don't do the work at their job they will get fired no questions asked.  They have to learn that they should have looked back over that essay instead of printing it quick and watching TV.  They have to learn how to survive in an environment that is not perfect and maybe not just survive but thrive because one day they will be bagging groceries and need to thrive in a job they might not like.  

I have decided to stay out of their business in middle school and high school.  I will help when asked and I will ask if they have homework they need help with.  I will talk with them about problems if they want to and other times I will just hug them and say I love you when I see it in their eyes.  I will also continue to read their text messages, Facebook and Instagram though.  Sorry, not letting that go until 18 or maybe later.  I will intervene in the instance of excessive foul or sexual language being used around them or any language directed at them.  I will intervene when I know they should have gotten a better grade and it has been confirmed by another non-related adult.  I will not intervene in affairs of the heart or friendship unless they become extreme.  I have given my older kids 3 strikes per semester for me bringing stuff to school they have forgotten.  One of them has 2 already.  For my elementary babies I will help out once on a science project a little but after that they are on their own!  I will make suggestions on other projects but keep my hands off (this is VERY difficult for me).  I will stay out of friendship quarrels unless it is absolutely necessary to swoop in with my helicopter.  I will not send nasty messages to a teacher, principal or post things online about a teacher, even if they are crazy.   I WILL NOT YELL AT A REF, EVEN IF I"M THE COACH AND THE CALL WAS TERRIBLE!  I want everyone to read that again.  With that, promise yourself to never ever yell at a coach about anything until you yourself have had the opportunity to be a coach.  

Parents, let today be the day that we cruise up to a higher altitude with our helicopters and let our kids experience real life.  Console them when they fail but don't say I told you so.  Help them figure out how to change a situation without doing it yourself.  Help them find a lovable trait in a superior that is unlovable.  Let them throw glitter all over their pinewood derby car and teach them to be proud of it stopping on the tracks. Let us be the parents that send out a generation of kids that turn into great hardworking problem solving adults instead of sending out kids that turn into lazy entitled adults.   

Stupid things people say and what I want to say

After last week's thought provoking blog, I decided to lighten it up today!  It may provoke some thoughts but hopefully it will just make you shake you head and think, oh no, I've said that before.  Tuesday Night while at my oldest daughter's parent night at the high school a lady said something to me that was just plain old rude.  To her she probably thought it was funny, to me it was rude.  While walking around the high school with a 5 month old strapped to my front I know people were thinking things but this lady just spouted off exactly what was in her little brain.  She looked at me and said, "You have a high schooler and a baby in a carrier!  What were you thinking!  Obviously, you weren't thinking!"  She didn't even laugh, she said it in a nasty way.  Say what?!  I was dumbfounded.  After she scurried on down the stairs I realized a friend was in front of me and said to her, well that was rude.  Let's play what if...  What if I had been trying for 14 years to have another baby and it finally happened or I had finally adopted this baby?  What if I was 15 when I had my first and I was finally old enough to have another?  What if this was my high schooler's baby that I was just holding for her?  None of those are true, but that lady didn't know me!  She didn't know my situation to be passing judgement on me.  After I got my wits about me, I thought of many sassy come backs that were probably better left unsaid.  Like, wow you wore that out of the house, you really weren't thinking, or wow you paid someone for that haircut, you really weren't thinking.

Here are some other comments people make about my duggaring (my made up word for mass producing children from one's womb):
           Wow, are those all yours?  I want to reply, yes and we left 4 more at home with the dog.
           What do you drive to fit all of those in the car?  It's just 8 people, we fit in a Odyssey.
            You're gonna need a shotgun one day!  Have you seen Rusty, we have no need for a shotgun
            That's gonna be a lot of weddings to pay for!  We are just hoping they elope!
            You need to stock up on tampons!  Really people?!
            It's usually followed by telling Rusty he will need to leave the house for 1 week out of the month.
            You are crazy!  OK, that one might be true
            Are you catholic?    ummm... no
            Are you mormon?   ummm... no
            Baptist have a lot of kids?  Some do, but only the really crazy ones
            Do you homeschool?  I want to say, do you think I want all these kids at home with me all day!? I honestly think I am the only mom of many that doesn't homeschool. Matthew 5:13-16 is our reason, in case you were wondering.
            You must have a ton of laundry.  I want to reply to this I make them wear stuff 4x before I'll wash it! That's not true of course but I still want to say it.
            And of course my favorite....  You know what's causing that right.  
                    I mean come on, I'm 35 years old, do you know how dumb that sounds?!  Please don't ever say that again to someone, it is really dumb.  Sorry, if you've said it to me before.  
            How many more are you going to have?  1st none of your business, 2nd Rusty's aunt said for us to tell people, until we have an ugly one.  She has 10, so far.  
             No one actually ever said this to me but a friend who has four kids was asked if they had a TV in their room!  There are so many more, but I will stop.

And since I've been pregnant for like 1/2 of my married life, I've heard some dumb comments there too:
              You look like you're about to pop
               You must be having twins
               There is no way you still have (fill in a number) weeks left
               You've gotten a lot bigger since I saw you last
               You're STILL pregnant
I will admit to guilt in saying these things but I have seen the error of my ways and do not say them anymore!  Trust me, a pregnant woman knows exactly how big she is the moment she tries to roll over in the bed, tries to put on maternity clothes that are now too little, tries to get off the couch, tries to fit in a desk at parent night at the school, turns the stove on with her belly, can't cut her toenails, can't reach the top shelf in the kitchen, tries to breathe, you get my point.

Here are 2 more random things that I hear often from people that are just stupid:
                How do you stand that beard on your husband?  It would be just awful to me.  Seriously, I hear this more than you would think.  I think, ummm... do you realize that is my husband whom I love and have bore 6 children with that you are dogging? I'm thinking in my head, what if I said how can you stand that giant nose on your husband, or that annoying laugh, or the fact that he likes the Cowboys?
                Making fun of one of my kids names.  I mean adults do this.  Come on people, show some etiquette.  I didn't name them Blue or Apple or North or Scout, which are all names I would never make fun of to those lovely parents' faces even if I think they are weird.  Try not even to say, what an interesting name, because we all know that is code for, what an awful name!

So the point is, watch what you say.  Think before you let some dumb comment pour out of your mouth.  Even better, watch what you say in front of your kids so those dumb comments don't pour out of their mouths.  I could share some stories there but I'm afraid you might see some kind of resemblance to what I said and realize it was your kid.  I don't generally get my feelings hurt.  I have a thick skin and can laugh a lot off., but others don't and you may be sending them home to cry themselves to sleep.  I am not in anyway saying we need to be politically correct but just be kind and try not to say things that might just hurt someone's feelings.  You have been warned with this list, you now have no excuse. Stick with "bless your heart, what a beautiful family" or "bless your heart, I know you must be ready to have that baby."  And if anyone knows the lady from CHS who is hopefully still trying to pull her foot from her mouth, send her a link to this blog!
         
Feel free to share other stupid things you hear folks say a lot...